With all of Hunter Biden’s problems with the law, it’s been a very bad week for Dementia Joe.
But on Tuesday the president announced one incredible triumph that had gone completely unnoticed until now.
“We ended cancer as we know it.”
That’s an exact quote, by the way. Here’s the entire context, from a press briefing at the White House. Dementia Joe explained how he gets asked questions, like this one.
“If you could do anything at all Joe what you do? I said I’d cure cancer. And they looked at me like, ‘Why cancer?’ Because no one thinks we can, that’s why. And we can. We ended cancer as we know it.”
Amazing! Who knew?
Sadly, the official White House transcript misquoted the Big Guy. Joe’s caregivers took his actual words, “We ended cancer as we know it,” and falsely changed them to something he did not say: “We can end cancer as we know it.”
This was at the same press briefing where Brandon announced yet another downward revision in the nation’s phony-baloney COVID death statistics. You may recall that last week the New York Times officially let the cat out of the bag, admitting that maybe one-third of the COVID deaths caused by the Red Chinese-generated virus were… not really COVID.
The Times buried that grim milestone in the seventh paragraph because… Democrats.
Now it turns out that the number was even lower than the Times whispered. Take it away Joe:
“We’re still feeling the profound loss of the pandemic. As I mentioned, over 100 people dead. That’s 100 empty chairs around the kitchen table.”
May we quote you on that, Mr. President?
I scrolled down the transcript to see if the stenographers had, uh, cleaned up that quote as well. Unlike the cancer brag, though, they acknowledged that he said “100,” crossed it out and changed it to one million. Twice.
Another thing, Mr. President – about those 100 empty chairs around the kitchen table.
That’s a mighty big kitchen table, Brandon.
The sweetheart deal his corrupt Justice Department cut for his corrupt alcoholic drug-addicted stripper-chasing son fell apart Wednesday. As if that weren’t bad enough, the judge imposed some impossibly stringent conditions on Hunter Biden if he wishes to remain free:
No drugs! No booze! And Hunter has to at least look for a job!
Talk about cruel and unusual punishment for any member of the Biden Crime Family.
Meanwhile, the Big Guy soldiers on. First, let’s consider his grasp of foreign affairs, specifically, the Russians and their wars. As always, all dialogue guaranteed verbatim. Here he’s talking about Putin.
“It’s hard to tell but he’s clearly losing the war in Iraq.”
You know, it is hard to tell. As with the cure for cancer, who even knew Russia was fighting a war in Iraq?
The war against Ukraine is somewhat better known to most people. Right, Joe?
“Russia could end this war tomorrow by withdrawing its forces from Ukraine and recognizing international borders and ceasing its attacks, its inhumane attacks on Russia.”
Russia is attacking Russia? Say it ain’t so, Joe.
“I mean, by Russia, on Ukraine.”
He also confused “Iceland” with “Ireland.” He had to correct himself after screwing up Emmett Till’s first name as “Evan.” He addressed President Zelensky of Ukraine as “Vladimir,” as in Vladimir Putin. You know, the Russian president who’s been invading Russia… and Iraq.
“Soon NATO will be the 32nd freestanding, have free, 30 free, 32 freestanding members standing together.”
Or as Ben E. King might put it, “Stand by Me.”
He quoted what he said was the Constitution, only it was the Declaration of Independence: “We hold these truths to be self-evident….”
Then he mentioned “giving states power that we fought a war over in 1960.”
What year was that again, Mr. President? Are you perhaps referring to the war the Democrats started in 1861 so that your political party could keep their slaves?
In Europe, he was asked whether the U.S. would remain in NATO. To which he answered:
“I absolutely guarantee it… You know no one can guarantee the future but this is the absolute best bet anyone can make.”
A foreign reporter was confused. Was that a guarantee… or not a guarantee?
“Let me be clear I didn’t say we didn’t guarantee, couldn’t guarantee the future you can’t tell me you’re sure you’re going to be able to go home tonight. No one can be sure what they’re gonna do.”
Was everyone confused? I guarantee it – absolutely.
Here are a few more of Brandon’s Greatest Hits, July edition:
“Former member former mayor Steve Benjamin couldn’t be here today… because he’s traveling with his family. It’s great to have him here.”
“Investing 279 billion dollars million dollars million.”
“The first foreign vi-visitor….”
“Today the court once again walked away from decades of precedent and make as the dissent has made clear.”
“But then we fell to third-rated thirteenth best inter uh uh um investment in infrastructure.”
“Companies across the county excuse me country –“
“I cut the debt one-point-seven.”
“And folks you know I don’t know what the difference between breaking your arm and having a mental breakdown is.”
One last thing: Dementia Joe is a father, and like all parents, he’s concerned about his offspring (except for one granddaughter). As he discussed the proposals to further regulate the Internet.
“Think about it,” he said. “You ever get a chance to look at what your kids are looking at online?”
Maybe not my own kids, Brandon. But I’ve seen what your son is, or was, looking at, online.
You know how I discovered Hunter’s XXX-rated Internet history? By checking out the laptop he left behind at the repair shop in Wilmington in 2019. Remember? Democrats lied that it was Russian disinformation before it wasn’t Russian disinformation.
But who cares really, when there are so many great successes Biden can point to.
Haven’t you heard? Dementia Joe ended cancer as we know it.
(Pre-order Howie’s new book “Paper Boy: Read All About It!” now at howiecarrshow.com.)